MEN WHO GROPE

By the time we are done outing “men who grope”, there will be hardly any men left standing. Since ALL the women I know have been sexually harassed or assaulted at least once in their lifetime, odds are the majority of men have been guilty at some point in their lives of some degree of such behavior. 

I refer to unwelcome, crude, physical and verbal advances, not aggressive, often violent sexual harassment, assault and rape, and the vile, habitually predatory behavior that targets children. Men have felt empowered to grope and kiss (and worse) women for millennia. An overwhelming majority of these astonishingly frequent “gropes” have been shrugged off not only by the perpetrators, but even, surprisingly, by the women themselves. 

Women rarely speak up. They know from extensive experience their claims will automatically and blithely be discounted by variations of the “You liar! It never happened!” or the “You slut! You know you wanted it!” themes. Also, often clouded by underlying guilt there can be vague recollections of flirtatious drunkenness, even kissing. Maybe they DID find him attractive, well, until he started acting like an animal! Then it was ecccchhh… STOP! Get OFF of me! Flirting, even kissing, does NOT automatically mean ”Okay! Go ahead! Go for it!”

The majority of “relatively casual” sexual assaults are generously fueled by alcohol and/or drugs. People drink, flirt, become increasingly inebriated, then men, emboldened by sex and porn saturated societal mores, and believing themselves entitled to immediate gratification, proceed to grab, grope, and kiss women (or other men, for that matter) without consent. Many “nice” men have made unwarranted sexual advances to someone unwilling. The genuinely nice ones know how and when to stop, freely admit their error, and can sincerely apologize.

I believe it’s imperative we differentiate between inherently “good” guys who can readily admit to acting creepily, who are genuinely repentant, and those vile sociopathic creatures who habitually sexually assault others, deny culpability, publicly call out their victims as liars, and attempt to destroy them via vicious trolling and lawsuits.  As essential as it is for women (and victimized men) to speak out, for the multitude of “Me Too” stories to be told and heard, we should also strive to avoid a shit show of unwarranted accusations and overblown reactions.