Costco and Coconut Cake

Never go into Costco without a list, or at least a clear plan of your objectives. There I was on Friday, putting things in and out and then back into my cart. What did I want to make for my brother Richard’s birthday gathering on Sunday? Floating in my mind were vague descriptions such as “finger food” “grazing” “no forks or knives!” and “okay, maybe forks, but definitely no knives”. I knew I did not want a sink full of pots, pans or dishes, nor to have to put the oven on, and I  wanted everything out at once so I could join the gathering and try to relax. Other then that? No clue.

I don’t know why I remain a member at Costco. While still catering, the place was a reliable source of reasonably priced product. I could grab tenderloins, jars of capers, clamshells of mesclun and strawberries, bags of tri-colored peppers, gallons of olive oil and boxes of cream puffs (which would have taken me ages to make.) But now, as a culinary instructor, I eat at work and hardly cook when I get home. On weekends, I simply walk around the block to my beloved little farmers market and browse the pasture-raised beef, just-caught seafood, locally made cheese, and freshly picked produce. Who needs Costco?

However, with 15 hungry friends to feed I figured it was time to make that Costco membership pay for itself. The problem was I (the so-called “culinarian”) couldn’t think of a damn thing to make. “Sandwiches” (fingers! not even forks!) popped into my head. Food began to fly in and then out of my cart. Chicken cutlets in, then out and whole roasted chicken in, then out, then in again. Whole spiral cut ham in, then out, and uncured applewood smoked (nitrate-free!) pre-sliced ham in. In and out...in then out. As a distraction I browsed the seafood counter and eyeballed the Dungeness crabs, Lobster Tails and King Crab Legs. (ummmmm…how bout King Crab legs for dinner...) I snapped out of it, (go home and cook myself dinner? who was I kidding?) I pulled out a pad and tried to jot down a menu. Nah, not that. Achhh, not this. Nothing seemed right. My head felt like it would explode. I didn’t know whether to run screaming down the aisles or plop down next to the watermelons and meditate for 10 minutes. I wondered whether Costco had security cameras and whether someone was already thinking "whassup with that crazy lady?"

Finally, I wrangled my cart downstairs and noticed that they had the Professional KitchenAid Stand Mixers on sale for $275 with a coupon for a free grinder or slicer attachment! I stood there…mesmerized. Wait a minute…I gotta the hell outta here! I dragged myself over to the registers (miraculously no line), paid, and hauled myself home. I’d just have to make due with whatever had ended up in the three bags that were now safely in my kitchen. (Kinda like on "Chopped") The only thing I knew for sure was that Linda A was bringing the cake...Coconut Cake, Richard’s favorite. And it was delicious.

The Final Costco Driven Birthday Menu:
Almond Chicken Salad on Farmer's Market Challah
Ham & Cheese with Olives & Roasted Peppers on Herb Focaccia
Gravlax & Shrimp Platter with Capers, Dijon & Sour Cream
Roast Vegetable Wraps (Linda I's delicious contribution)
Feta & Tomatoes with Marinated Artichoke Hearts
Carrot & Celery Sticks, Radishes & Cucumbers
White Bean Puree with Chipotle Chips
Brie with Green & Red Grapes